Sometimes I wonder: what makes one person crave independenc…

Sometimes I wonder: what makes one person crave independence while another chooses comfort, minimal risk, and the safety of home?

I watch how many young people live here in Portugal — where the average age for leaving the parental home is 28.9 years(women: 28.0, men: 29.8) — and I see they’re genuinely comfortable staying with their parents. It’s just… normal here. But in other countries, it’s completely different: in the Netherlands, young people typically move out around 23.2 years (women: 22.6, men: 23.8), in Germany it’s 23.9 years (women: 23.1, men: 24.6), and in France it’s 23.5 years (women: 22.8, men: 24.1).

So why is that? On one hand, there are practical reasons: expensive housing, the difficulty of renting or buying an apartment, unstable salaries, all of which make living with parents simply more feasible. But on the other hand, there are cultural and psychological factors that shape how we view “independence” — whether it’s essential or optional, or even… odd.

We all grow up in such different value systems: 🇵🇹 In Portugal — maturity = supporting your family 🇳🇱 In the Netherlands — maturity = autonomy 🇯🇵 In Japan — maturity = maturity involves balancing family duty with personal independence 🇺🇸 In the US — maturity = financial independence 🇮🇳 In India and 🇲🇾 Malaysia — multigenerational living is the norm, and staying together is often seen as strength, not dependence

In many Asian cultures, the whole concept of “leaving home” as a milestone doesn’t really exist the same way extended families living together is simply how life works, and it’s valued as a source of support and connection.

And then there’s this crucial thing called self-efficacy— the belief in your own abilities. For some people, it seems hardwired from birth. For others, it has to be pieced together, often through challenges and mistakes.

I tend to tell my son that being an adult means living independently and taking responsibility for yourself, that’s how I’ve always seen it. But at the same time, there’s something genuinely warm and comforting about the idea of kids feeling safe and happy enough to stay home and share life with their parents. It’s not black and white.

And here’s the contradiction: as a single mom, I love my son more than life itself… BUT if one day he tells me “Mom, I’m ready to live on my own”. I’ll be genuinely thrilled. (And honestly? I’ll finally be able to do what I want, when I want, and live where I want 😅)

So maybe being an adult isn’t about where you live at all. Maybe it’s about knowing you could manage on your own, even if you choose not to. Or maybe it’s something else entirely everyone seems to have their own definition. What does it mean for you?